


The Sun and the Moon

by Seylie_vasyf



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood Drinking, Boys Kissing, Confessions, F/M, M/M, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-19 18:31:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11903694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seylie_vasyf/pseuds/Seylie_vasyf
Summary: The story is set somewhere during the fourth book, but it will have a completely diffferent plot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Firts of all, thank you very much for reading this. This is my first time writing this sort of content so please leave me any comment that could allow me to improve myself, or even just to tell me what you thought of this, it would mean the world to me! English is not my first language, so please forgive me for any mistakes that you could see. I have the next chapter figured out, but I would really appreciate if you could tell me if it's worth posting, or what I could do to improve. Well then, thank you for reading this long-ass piece, I don't quite know how to do that... Well, I hope you enjoy!! xx

  
  
It had been the tenth time or so already that Jordan had beaten Simon at Mario Kart, and he had already lost count of Jace’s losses.    
  
The shadowhunter had burst into the apartment a little after one, startling Simon who was dozing off on the couch, watching once again the first Star-Wars, and tearing the werewolf out of a peaceful dream.  
      
Jace had had once again one of his nightmares where he’d murdered Clary, which would leave him completely terrified of what he might do unconsciously. Therefore, the two Downworlders caught on the habit to try their best to change his mind and cheer him up every time the blond warrior would show up on their doorstep completely shattered.  
      
Those times helped the trio figure out something though. All those nights, by now four times or so a week, on which Jace would sleep over provided him with a peaceful and quiet sleep, from which he’d wake up renewed. Jordan had realised that the first night the blonde had stayed in, when he’d woken up dry-throated, sometime around four in the morning, aiming for the kitchen sink. The tv was still on, and only one head was resting against the back of the couch, even though he knew Jace had stayed over. Leaning closer, Jordan then realised that the head  he could see was Simon’s, whose eyes were closed, whereas Jace’s was resting on the vampire’s lap, a drool stain starting to form on his leg.  
      
Holding back a laughter, the werewolf had resumed on his quest for water, then proceeded back to his bed. The following morning, the bags under Jace’s eyes had magically gone away, and he had been going on and on about the magic couch whose sleeping power was way underestimated. Jordan had had a piece on why Jace had slept so well that night, considering his head literally never touched the couch, but he hadn’t wanted to bear with the embarrassment that was bound to follow. He had kept quiet, proceeding to go eat his breakfast in complete peace, still not being completely able to hide the grin that inevitably made its way on his face.    
  
All the nights that followed, those during which Jordan would wake up at least, even though he knew him not witnessing it didn’t mean it wasn't happening, he’d catch Jace sleeping close to Simon, always on the couch.  
      
“What’s up with you?” Jace grew tired of bickering with Simon over yet another loss, so he turned to Jordan for help, who was still grinning, reminiscing on what he only knew. “Why don't you back me up?”.  
      
“What? I’m sorry I was miles away. Back you up on what?”  
      
“Don’t listen to him, Kyle.” Simon spoke up, sitting on the couch, a controler still in hand. “Jace is just a sore loser who doesn’t understand the whole purpose of Mario Kart.”  
  
“What?? Of course I do! It’s just that you didn’t win that last one!”  
  
“Hum, yeah I did. My Luigi arrived first didn’t he? That’s called winning Herondale, get over it.”  
  
“Of course your Luigi got through first ; you launched that fucking rocket on my ass ten seconds before the end! I was leading for the whole race, and if it were not for it I would have won, so YOU get over it Lewis!”  
  
“Oh for fuck sake cut it out you two! It’s just a game! Nothing more so chill, fuck.” The two looked at each other, to then resume on bickering, this time accusing one another for Jordan’s reaction. He slowly made his way to the kitchen sink to gather his thoughts.  
  
That was it. Jordan couldn’t anymore. Of course it didn’t bother him for the least to be there for Jace when he needed to, but he was starting to seriously feel both mentally and physically the lack of sleep.  
There was no way he wouldn’t actually.  Simon was a vampire, so a couple hours sleep was all he needed to be a brand new man, whereas Jace, well, not only did he sleep like a baby on Simon’s lap, or on Simon’s shoulder, or on anything of Simon’s that could offer him a proper sleeping position, but he could also cope quite easily with the few hours missing with a rune of some sort.  
  
Jordan though, it was a whole other matter. A werewolf metabolism is extremely demanding, and it takes up a whole lot of energy, energy that should be loaded up at night, which Jordan had less occasions to do. He knew he could just stay in bed whenever Jace would come, but it just didn’t feel right, especially when he knew how grateful Jace was for the both of them being there. So he just had to suck it up for a while, just the time for Jace to stop dreaming about killing his fellow shadowhunter. But that would be without acknowledging the constant arguing that filled the flat at all times. Indeed, no matter how well they’d both sleep next to each other, even though Jordan had understood that it was impossible for Simon to not have realised the sleeping shadowhunter’s head on him considering how little he’d sleep, the two just couldn’t have a normal conversation. And by normal, a conversation during which the two protagonists don’t yell at each other’s faces for the slightest things, like a missing spoon or a cold coffee. It was like there was an inexplicable tension between the two, like there were things left unsaid that just made them explode, but still drew them close at some point, like it needed a refill on the proximity.  
  
So here was poor Jordan, completely exhausted, only demanding to go to bed as the clock was slowly turning four. He knew that, as usual, he wouldn’t get a chance to rest, even for a little while, during the day. He’d have to help look after the newly turned, and he’d have to keep an eye on Maia, even though she’d kill him if she noticed. He didn’t even know where he was with her.  
He regretted what had happened more than anything. He couldn’t control himself at all that night, it was like he had suddenly turned all wolf. He didn’t expect her to want him back, he himself didn’t want to. He felt too unworthy of her. But he did want to be there for her. He missed her like crazy. Before being her girlfriend, she was her best-friend, and she was doing a great job. Now, slowly and steadily, he was clawing his way back, not talking too much, knowing it would only upset her, but still being there in case she’d want to talk.  
  
He emerged from his thoughts as he heard a knock on the door. He turned to the other two,, who looked as surprised as he was. He saw Jace leaning closer to his sword resting against the table’s foot, whereas Simon simply looked at Jordan like he was the one expecting someone at four in the fucking morning.  
  
Jordan made his way to the door and slowly opened it, only to be shoved backwards as the person on the other side made his way in. As Jordan picked himself up from the counter, he saw the man walking towards Simon. Jace took a step forward, as to put himself slightly before Simon. The man Jordan had in front of him was neither small nor tall, he had dark hair, dark eyes, and even dark clothes. To what he could see, Jordan attributed him hispanic origins. As the stranger stopped in front of the brown-haired teen, completely ignoring him in the process, the werewolf noticed that he was slightly clenching to his left side.  
      
“Simon” he started, “we have a problem”.  
  
“Look Raphael, if it’s about the window I broke at the Hotel Dumort, you need to know that that ball was begging to be thrown, and that the enormous rat, that was twice the size of my hands by the way, completely took me by surprise. So you have it to blame for making me miss my target.” Simon stated, not having realised Raphael’s condition.  
  
“Oh and what was your target exactly?” asked Jace, an eyebrow raised, just waiting for yet another reason to make fun of the vampire.  
  
“Well” Simon shrugged, “it was the center of a portrait...” he paused for a demi second, then added on a defensive tone “Camille’s portrait !! You know the one next to the dreadfully expensive vase that could have been smashed instead of the window if not for my incredible improvisation skills ?”  
  
“That’s the problem”, Raphael said, obviously pissed, although Jordan wasn’t sure whether the injury was the only to blame.  
  
“What? My improvisation skills ? Dude no I was so proud.”  
  
“Dios mios, Lewis, don’t you ever stop talking ??”. Now Jordan could see that he wasn’t going to restrain himself anymore. “She’s the problem ! Camille fucking Belcourt is our problem !”  
  
“What ? No she’s been MIA for months now.” This time Jace had talked, and his eyes slid down Raphael, as he finally realized the vampire was injured. “What has she done to you ?”  
  
“Not just to me blondie,” said Raphael, “not just to me”. He paused and finally looked at Jordan, as if he’d just realised he was there. “She took it back. She took back the Hotel. And she’s going to raise the vampires against the shadowhunters.”  
   
  
    


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! So here is chapter 2 I really hope you'll like it and please leave comments if you can to tell me what you think!! Enjoy:-)

Jordan had officially given up on sleeping that night. The moment that Raphael guy shoved him on his kitchen counter he knew he wouldn’t meet with his bed anytime soon although he didn’t have quite the time to torture himself over this dreadful fact.

He knew Raphael of only name, for the vampire was in charge of the Brooklyn den, at the Hotel Dumort, whereas the young werewolf was too busy dealing with his own species’ business. Therefore, he was quite surprised to see the actual vampire leader’s appearance. He’d pictured him as a tall, long-haired blood sucker, thinking that it was the least he’d have to look like to control all the other vampires. Jordan was no fool ; he knew that a lot of vampires would have no second thoughts on draining a mundane of his blood if it meant finally feeding on something other than blood-bags, even though it would definitely mean the end of the Accords. That’s why, in order to preserve this precarious peace, every vampire leader had to inspire fear and respect so that the mundanes would remain safe.

That’s why hearing this important vampire’s name associated to such a normal framed guy took him quite by surprised. He hadn’t realised his staring until the brown-haired blood-feeding being shot him a glare that got his arm hairs to rise.

“What’re you lookin’at, werewolf?” The pure disgust in his voice reminded Jordan of the way Maia had looked at him when she saw him for the first time after he bit her, a little before she nearly killed him. The memory made him take a small step back. Jordan, still looking at the vampire’s eyes, could have sworn seeing his glare soften at the sight, but it was so quick and nonsensical that he refused to believe his eyes.

Before he could answer, retrieving his composure, Simon stepped up, getting even closer to the other vampire. Jordan could see the blonde shadowhunter slightly clench his jaw, but as earlier with Raphael, it was so quick and seemed so out of place that the downworlder immediately took his focus back on the den leader. Simon tried to put his hand on Raphael, as if to try and calm him down, but the latter was so tensed he immediately jerked his hand away. This time Jace bolted up between the two vampires, completely hiding Simon from the other night-being, an hand placed at the hem of his sword. Jordan could hear the small complaint that came out of Simon’s mouth, but it was quickly overshadowed by Raphael’s apologies : 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” This time Jordan could actually feel the pain in his voice as the words came out. The vampire seemed to be clenching even more on his left side wound, his knuckles turning even whiter than he originally was.

“You’re damn right you shouldn’t have. Especially not when you’re the one barging into his house.” Although his tone was meant to be cold, and was at some point, it had taken a softer turn as the vampire winced once again.

“Alright that’s enough.” Simon got out of his made-from-Jace hiding spot and took Raphael by his shoulders. “You’re badly hurt, so why don’t you go lie down on one of the beds for a bit while we call Magnus. This way he’ll be able to treat your wound and then you can tell us all about this evil harpie’s plan to take over the world ok?”

As if drained of all of his forces, the vampire simply nodded before heading towards the bedroom with the door open. Jordan held back his tears as he watched Raphael slowly settle on his bed. Meeting Simon’s meaningful gaze, Jordan sighed as he directed himself to help the one who’d, since he got here, either ignored him or, when in contact, displayed him the purest despise. He entered the room, followed by Simon and, closely behind, Jace, who explained :

“I tried to call Alec but is MIA. So is Magnus. Considering the time, my bet is that they’re sleeping. I’ll have to get to the condo first if we want to get their asses here quick”.

“Excuse-me, but who exactly is we?” Jordan knew the moment the question left his lips that he’d regret it.

Simon shrugged a bit before answering : “Well, urhm.. you know how Clary and Izzy are when they’re left out of important business. So, while Jace makes his way to the High-Warlock of Brooklyn den’s, I’ll go get the girls so that we’ll all meet at Magnus’s and all he has then to do is portal us back here. Easy peezy.”

“Oh yeah, sure, easy peezy.” Jordan laughed, even though the situation was all but laughable. “Simon can I talk to you outside for a bit?”

“Well, the thing is, uhm.. we kinda have to make it quick and, uhm…” His eyes were desperately looking for some back-up in Jace’s, but even he knew when to give up.

“Simon, kitchen, NOW.”

As the werewolf stormed out of the room to meet with the counter, the vampire came shortly after, his head down.

“What the hell?! You don’t get to do that Simon Lewis, you hear me?” The werewolf made sure to talk loud enough for the vampire to be startled but still low enough for those in the bedroom not to hear. “I have absolutely no problem with vampires you know that, and I have even less problems with helping you out. But this? He’s not just any vampire! That’s Raphael Santiago in my bed Simon. And he clearly isn’t fond of me.”

“Well you can’t say you are of him”. Simon chuckled but Jordan was not amused.

“Him being in my bed is one thing that I shall tolerate if I have to. But him being in my bed while the two of you are out is one hell of another thing that I shall not!” 

“Wow ok, Jordan, calm down, it almost sounds as if he scares you”. Simon laughed. Simon then ran through the front door screaming Jace’s name, who got out of the room panicked, before realizing that Jordan was the one Simon was running away from. The Shadowhunter had never seen him wear on such a look. It was a mix of different emotions. He could recognize hurt, anger -yeah definitely anger-, and tiredness. He didn’t want to stick up to look for the other emotions though, so he hurried after Simon who was already at the end of the stairs.

Jordan pushed the door closed and went to sit on the couch, his eyes soon closing. He had lost the adrenaline rather quickly, and now felt as if he could fall asleep right away. His mind was drifting, thinking mostly about his bed that was probably by now covered in blood, and how much he missed it, when a thud came from his room. Reluctantly, he pushed himself out of the comfort the couch provided him, and moved towards the source of the noise. When he opened the door, the first thing he saw was a set of feet on the floor, and as he turned the corner of his wardrobe, he saw the entirety of the vampire’s body laid on his front, his eyes closed. Moved by something greater than his free will, considering how he had previously treated him, he still got hold of the sweaty vampire. Raphael seemed reluctant at the werewolf’s doing, but he was way too exhausted to actually tell him to fuck off. Jordan carried him back to the bed, the vampire holding back a scream as Jordan steadied him on the bad. No matter how much of an asshole Raphael had been towards him, Jordan felt his heart throb at the sight. He never liked seeing someone suffer, which is in fact, something rather normal, therefore he ached for Raphael.

He didn’t know that a vampire could be hurting that bad. His eyes were closed so tightly that several wrinkles had formed. His hair was damp and clinging to his forehead. He seemed even paler than he already was, which Jordan really didn’t think was possible. His hands were gripping on the sheets as he feared to fall again and at times he’d arch his back forward as if the mattress was suddenly burning him, and his really really sharp canines were creeping under his top lip, as if it couldn’t contain them anymore. Jordan didn’t know what to do as the vampire’s condition only seemed to worsen. He took his phone in his back pocket and texted both Jace and Simon, telling them to hurry the hell up. As he looked back up towards Raphael, his heart bounced in his chest. The vampire was now still, his back against the mattress, and his now opened eyes seemed to be even darker than earlier. He was staring right at Jordan, whose breathing was starting to accelerate. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the vampire laying on his bed. After a second though, Jordan saw Raphael’s gaze falter, and the mechanism, that all vampire had picked up from their past human lives of raising their chests as if they were breathing, stopped.

Jordan didn’t need Magnus to know what was happening ; the vampire was dying and the others wouldn't be there in time to save him. So, even though his whole self told him that it was the worst idea he had ever come up with, and that he’d really regret it, Jordan did the only thing he knew would keep Raphael alive long enough to be saved. He took off his shirt and went to sit on the side of the bed. To easy the vampire’s condition, he straightened him so that his head would rest on his shoulder. Once again Raphael seemed to complain, but the noise was so faint that it only got Jordan to worry more. He took his right arm to Raphael’s canines and pressured them against it. Raphael winced and unsuccessfully tried to push Jordan’s arm away ; but he was too weak and even he knew that if he didn’t he’d die without any doubt. With great effort, he raised his arms and grabbed the one under his teeth with both his hands, settling his mouth so that his canines had now disappeared. Jordan shivered when he felt Raphael’s tongue lick on the wounds, although he doubted it was out of disgust. As he swallowed, Raphael seemed to gain more and more strength, and he was now bending over the arm, gripping tighter than ever. Out of impulse, Jordan’s left hand flew to Raphael’s hair and tangled in it, gripping on his strands. He expected Raphael to smack his hand away, but he instead growled on Jordan’s arm. It was not an angry growl, rather an insatiable one, as if Raphael couldn’t be without Jordan from now on. Hearing the vampire suck on him and making all these adorable noises unexpectedly turned Jordan on, and soon enough he felt a familiar bulge in his pant as Raphael’s tongue kept on driving him mad. As his erection only grew bigger, Raphael finally let go, looking directly into Jordan’s eyes :

“You might wanna patch that up”, was the first thing that came out of the vampire’s mouth, who was pointing at his bleeding arm. 

Of course he wouldn’t get a thank you, what was he thinking? He immediately got up, his back facing the vampire, and headed for the door when he heard it.

“Thank you.” It was said in a low and raspy voice, and Jordan didn’t understand why he felt this happy over a simple thank you. As he turned his head, he saw that the vampire was now lying on his side, back facing Jordan, and so he went for the door, not able to contain his smile. Still, he couldn’t believe that he got hard from hearing a vampire, suck on his arm. He didn’t know if the vampire had seen, but he knew that he’d have to keep his distance from now on.

He had just gotten into the bathroom to take care of his growing problem when he heard the characteristical woosh of a portal opening.

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me”, he cried, his hand still positioned on his bulge. “Okay, think about something disgusting…” He focused so hard on finding basically anything that could make him go limp that he forgot about the sounds and sight that got him into this mess in the first place. When it had finally decreased, he quickly bandaged his wound, put on a shirt that was on the to-be-ironed pile and got out to meet the others.

The first person he saw was Isabelle. When she saw him, she went to greet him then immediately asked where Raphael was. He pointed towards his bedroom where she practically ran to. Clary was next, and she got him into a hug, asking how he was. When she retreated, he saw Magnus go straight to the bedroom, the portal closing behind him. In the corner of the kitchen, he saw Jace and Alec discussing. Alec was all red, and it appeared as if Jace was scowling him. Jordan went to find Simon, who was standing in retreat, looking at the shadowhunters, a grin on his face.

“What’s happened?” Jordan asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, you know how neither of them answered when we called? Jace thought that they were sleeping and knowing Magnus he knew that he’d have had the room sound-proofed. So he went in with the spare key and entered their room, and it turned out that they were doing everything but sleeping. So now Jace is summoning him on the merits of a proper sleeping schedule and how he should always leave his phone on in case of emergency.” Simon was still laughing, and Jordan looked back on Alec, who seemed prepared to go live underground for at least three decades.

His thoughts then drifted back on the dying vampire on his bed, and if he would make it, so he made his way towards his bedroom, followed by Simon who seemed to have grown tired of Alec’s apologies. Raphael was now on his back, and he seemed better than what Jordan had previously witnessed. The moment he entered the room, Magnus turned his face towards him.

“Thank you. You saved his life by doing what you did. You gained enough time for us to arrive.” He could see in Magnus’ eyes profond respect and gratitude, so he guessed that the relationship between the warlock and the vampire must be important. He cursed himself when he felt his heart sink at the thought. 

“What? What did he do?” Jordan was quite surprised that Isabelle hadn’t understand, but he was extremely grateful at magnus when he explained that the werewolf had taken a piece of the blade out of the vampire. Of course Magnus knew. He also knew that Jordan would have never wanted people to find out about what he had to do.

“Will he be okay?” Jordan inquired, trying to change the subject.

“He is standing right there”, a low and sharp voice rose from the bed.

“Well, no. Technically, you’re not standing, rather...laying?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Simon! Do you even value your life at all?” Isabelle had spoken for all of them at this moment, so the teen only shrugged where he stood.

“As I said when I got here,” Raphael proceeded, “ I was attacked at the Hotel by Camille and her minions. There were too many of them, we didn’t even stand a chance. I don’t know where she went, but she found her amy there and she came back to use it.”

“And with more sophisticated weapons apparently.”Magnus seemed preoccupied. “You were poisoned Raphael. The blade that pierced you was dipped in Holy Water at the confection and then blessed by a high representant of the Church. Those weapons were used centuries ago by the shadowhunters, but they were all destroyed alongside their written traces before the Accords by some shadowhunters who sided with humanity. Indeed, those weapons were meant not only to kill vampires, but to make them suffer an utmost pain before dying. Honestly, you were really lucky to even get away at all, Rafael. The pain must have been unbearable.”

“I didn’t get away. She let me go. She knew that I could get to you and she wanted me to give you a message. She says that the insurrection is coming and that now is the time to side with the winning one.”

Everyone fell silent, as everyone understood what was happening.

“It’s not just the vampires then, right?” Simon’s voice was shaking. “She wants all the Downworlders to side against the shadowhunters. This will be a massacre.”

Magnus broke the silence that had settled :

“Well, now is not the time for this. I will ask you all to leave so that I can attend my patient.” 

Jace and Alec, who had joined in at some point, left first, followed by Clary and Isabelle.

“Not you two. Close the door.” Magnus was draining Raphael of the poison, so the two stood in an awkward silence, not knowing what they were still doing there. After a few moments, Magnus stood back up, and Raphael sat up on the bed, retrieving the little color he had daily.

“We have to discuss Raphael’s new location”. Jordan could see where this was going and he didn’t like it. “Considering he can’t go back to the Hotel and that I’ll be hosting a warlock assembly for the days to come, there is only one other place he could stay.” Raphael was awfully quiet and his gaze was piercing Jordan’s skull, seemingly waiting to see his reaction. Jordan was about to come up with an excuse when Magnus threw him the ultimate ball :

“You’re a Priapor Lupus, aren’t you Jordan”

“Yes, I am”. He was so reluctant to say the words but at the same time he kind of already expected the outcome.

“Would a Priapor really let a downworlder in need go, no matter for how long he’s been one?”

“Of course not.” There it was. He was officially screwed.

“Well then it’s settled!” Magnus was now glowing, which was hurting Jordan’s head, considering how little he’d slept. Simon had nodded all along, so of course he had no problem with Raphael staying. “ Oh, but right now Raphael can’t quite move, so I fear you’ll have to sleep on the couch, unless you want to sleep next to him, which of course I won’t judge.” That was it Jordan couldn’t anymore :

“Oh fuck me now!”

“Sorry dear, but I fear I’m already taken.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello !! I'm so sorry for the delay it's been one hell of a week and I had very little time to write.. But I'll try to keep a writing schedule from now on so if you'd like the updates to be on a particular day please let me know! This chapter is focused on Jordan because he was one of my favorite in the books but we didn't hear much about his past life so I wanted to try ans see if I could make it work. please tell me what you thought of this chapter and what could be changed or improved I would appreciate it a LOT :) Oh and by the way if there's anything you'd like to see happening in the next chapters let me know and I'll do what I can to make happen ! Well then on that note I really hope you'll like it enjoyy !!

When Jordan finally got to lay down on the couch, the clock above the TV displayed 06 : 27. Magnus and Alec had left right after the warlock had made sure for the third time that Raphael wasn’t going to die overnight from something that he’d missed. The way Magnus cared for Raphael was really endearing, and there was definitely history between the two downworlders. The werewolf couldn’t help but feel kind of jealous though, for he had always lost those who cared for him.  
  
When he was six, his parents died in a car accident. He remembered how, waiting for them to come pick him up at school, his teacher had come up to him, her eyes still red and swollen from chasing her tears away, knelt down before him and gently, as if the boy were made of glass, grabbed on both his tiny hands.   
  
“Your parents are not coming, Jordan. There has been a dreadful accident and they…..” She couldn’t get the words out anymore. The lump in her throat had become so important that she just choked on the words. She felt so bad for the poor kid in front of her.  
  
Jordan didn’t understand why his teacher was sadder than he was. He didn’t understand anything at all actually. He didn’t understand that his parents would never come home to him ever again. He didn’t understand that he would never get to see the world from his father’s shoulders anymore. He didn’t understand that he would never hear his mother’s laugh again. He didn’t understand that they would never bed him again, telling him to dream as big as his heart was. He wasn’t stupid, far from it. His mind just refused to process it. It refused to process that in the span of an hour, he had lost those who mattered the most to him, and for whom he mattered the most.  
  
He remembered being taken away in a black car, by people who, they said, only meant good. He knew a lot of people had talked to him that day ; he just couldn’t hear them.  
  
It simply was as they put him in bed, leaving him alone in the dark, that it all engulfed him. His brain showed him memories. Memories of his father throwing him a baseball in the park, while his mother was sitting down in the grass, reading a book. Memories of their weekly promenade by the East River, before taking the car to drive around Brooklyn. His parents loved the borough. They were both born there, met there, and kept on telling Jordan that the city would appear even more beautiful to him as he’d grow up.  
  
Now, Jordan was left with nothing. He didn’t know it yet, but it was just the beginning of what would later on lead him to believe he had no claim on happiness.  
  
The day after, he was drained of all the tears his body could create. He had cried all night long, and only fell asleep when his eyes started to burn from the lack of liquid. His body was heavy ; he felt as if his six-year-old self was trapped inside a moving prison. The only thing that kept him going was the picture of the three of them at the park, that an old lady had given him when he’d woken up. Apparently, they had gone inside their apartment to retrieve Jordan’s stuff, and then seal it. The picture reminded Jordan of how happy one can be, and he knew that he owed it to his parents to at least try. He’d have to keep on remembering it for the rest of his life.  
  
His parents had no close relatives ; it was always the three of them. Therefore, he was put under his distant aunt’s custody, who lived in Baltimore, and who only took him in because the law made her. The hardest was the distance, for he had promised himself that he’d go back to Brooklyn, to experience the city older, as his mother has told him. His aunt’s name was Gildry Stein. She had twin boys, the same age as he was, and always made a point in making Jordan feel inferior. He never went out with them because they wouldn’t have him ; he never was invited, as a child, to his cousins’ birthday parties because their mother told them that he would only ruin the party with his bad mood, bad mood that she got him to feel. He never got to celebrate his birthdays either, or if he did it would be alone, in his bedroom, as the others pretended not to remember what day it was. Every time things got too hard for him, he looked at the picture, holding back his tears, being strong for his parents.   
  
The way he was treated and how he learnt to live with it only got him to mature sooner. He knew he didn’t have the typical childhood, but he thought that if he went through it without complaining, maybe he’d finally get the happiness he’d been denied all along.  
  
He entered primary school right away. His aunt didn’t bother to find out if he was mentally good enough to blend in with the other kids. He could very well. He even wanted to, but, mainly because of the twins, whom had taken over their mother’s despise, all the kids in the playground were reluctant to go near him.  
  
Kids could be really mean, even by not doing anything, and Jordan experienced plenty of that.   
  
Despite it all, he was a good student, and he spent most of his time daydreaming about what his life would be outside of this poisonous family, back in Brooklyn.  
  
In his first year of secondary school, he finally made a friend, Justin Princkley. He was a tall, blond guy, who was from New-Orleans and had come live with his mother in Baltimore after his parents divorced. At first, Jordan had noticed him because he did stand out. He was the tallest of their class, even taller than the twins, and Jordan couldn’t help but to find him rather attractive, with his freckles and his blue eyes. He didn’t exactly know why or how, but soon enough, the blond had come up to Jordan and started talking rather fast.  
  
“Heyya. I’m Justin Princkley.” The lad had extended a hand, which Jordan couldn’t help to notice, was a bit shaky. Then he understood that Justin was just as anxious to make a new friend as he was, and so he went to happily shake his hand in return, grinning wide.  
  
“Jordan Kyle”   
  
“Well, Jordan Kyle, what do you say we stick together for what are to be the most painful years of our life?”  
  
Jordan’s grin faltered a bit, but not enough for Justin to realise, and then went right back on, even happier.  
  
“I say let’s suffer together” And with a laugh, their friendship had begun.  
  
The two could talk about everything, literally. Justin initiated Jordan in all the things he’d passed on while living in hell. They watched old movies on Justin’s tv and read all kinds of books while lying on his bed. They even listened to some old vinyls that they found in Justin’s attic while talking about life in general.  
  
Their friendship lasted until the year before high school, when they both realised that maybe their mutual feelings were deeper than what they were at the beginning. Jordan pushed them back though. No matter how badly he was treated, he still had a roof over his head, and he needed it until he graduated, so that he could become a lawyer. He wanted to help make things right for some people. He planned on studying in Brooklyn, while working to pay his college fees. He didn’t want to ever have to rely on them in his life after he was eighteen. No matter how much he wanted out of there, he knew that without his GED he wouldn’t get far.  
  
His uncle was deeply homophobic though, and if he ever learned what was going on in his nephew’s head, he’d kick him out without even a second thought. Jordan wasn’t a lucky man, it had already been proven over and over again, so he knew that these feelings would only cause him troubles. And of course, he was right.  
  
On the last day of middle school, a party was thrown in the gymnasium. It was much like homecoming, but way less fancy and with way more shitty music. He hadn’t brought a date, and neither had Justin, so there they were, the two of them, talking and dancing and discreetly sipping on Justin’s dad’s flask that he had “borrowed” and filled with whiskey.  
  
“Hey Jordan, I gotta tell you something.” Justin was clearly too drunk for this party, and he was panting as if he’d been dancing too much.  
  
“Yeah, sure mate. What is it?” Jordan wasn’t completely sober either, but he was way better than Justin at the moment.  
  
“My mom is missing home so she wants us to go back and we’re leaving sometime during the week.” Justin had blurted the whole sentence out as if the words were burning his throat and mouth, and he looked expectantly into Jordan’s green/hazel eyes. The lad felt like his friend’s words were a train that had just hit him in the face. He couldn’t help but gasp, and felt as if his lungs had decided not to function any longer.  
  
The perspective of his best friend leaving him had an effect on him he didn’t expect. It forced his inner feelings to come out altogether, and he didn’t like it.  
  
Justin was the first person to ever allow him to remember how love could feel like. Jordan never claimed anything as his own. Mainly because he wasn’t allowed to, but also out of fear that his terrible luck would only drive his happiness away. When he realised his feelings towards Justin were not only friendship-like, he knew that as long as they remained one-sided he could spare himself the heartache that was bound to follow.   
  
Soon enough though, some glances were cast across the classroom, or in situations where they couldn’t immediately talk about it to the other. This way, they could always pretend nothing had happened and maintain their friendship in case the feelings weren’t reciprocated, which they both knew was not true. Jordan didn’t know why Justin nurtured this situation, but he knew exactly why he did it. He wanted nothing more than to get out of the shithole he’d been forced to live in for the past 8 years, and he would never let anything get in the way, even if it meant not standing up to his homophobic joke-of-an-uncle. The way Justin glanced at him made him feel special in a way he didn’t know he craved, and he didn’t have at heart to just stop it. He thought that if he insured the other one’s feelings whilst not officially spell his own out, they could remain “friends” until he wouldn’t have to depend on his dreadful family anymore, and so they could fully live out their fling to raise it into an unbreakable bond with time, even though they wouldn’t live in the same borough.   
  
Jordan’s plan would have been perfect, if it weren’t for fate decided on making him miserable.  
  
Justin’s confession destroyed all chances they would ever have of being an actual thing. Jordan felt overwhelmed with the thought of never getting to be who he wanted to be with Justin. He felt like crying but controlled himself, and his body moved like itself towards the door. Jordan needed air. The loud music and the moist air from all those teenagers dancing were making his head spin, and the fact that he was still inebriated was not helping at all.   
  
He almost ran in the hallway before pushing wide open the front doors. It was already eleven, and those who hadn’t left the party were still inside, enjoying the evening. It was dark out, and there wasn’t a soul, except for the two panting boys leaving the building.  
  
Jordan feared his legs might give up, so he laid himself against the wall, tilting his head back, his eyes screwed shut.  
  
“No no no no no.” Jordan’s hand flew to both sides of his head, pressing on it as if it would obliterate all those noisy thoughts. “Why can’t I just be happy? What did I ever do to deserve that? I just want to be loved by someone, why is that so bad?”   
  
Jordan was almost screaming now, and he didn’t even know who he was addressing to. He was on the verge of crying. He had been so patient during all those years. And now that he finally had everything planned to leave this place while still being with the one he wanted to give his love to, it just had to be taken away from him again.  
  
He then felt two warm hands cup his own on his face, which led him to open his eyes, only to meet two beautiful blue eyes. The two were now only inches apart, and Jordan could feel Justin’s hot breath mingling with his own.  
  
“It’s not, Jordan. It’s not bad. You of all people deserve to be happy.” His voice had a soothing aspect to it that instantly calmed Jordan’s thoughts. His breath was warm and smelled of whiskey, which was not bad considering that Jordan’s must have been the absolute same.   
  
“We’ll still call each other. And yes maybe it won’t work out because of the distance, but we never know right? I know that when I was forced to move in here, the least I expected was to fall for my best friend, and a guy at that. But you proved me wrong about my expectations and I really want to make things work with you.”   
  
Jordan fell silent. He didn’t know what to say. So instead he just leant in, never breaking eye-contact until their noses brushed. Then both their lips met and it all exploded. At first the kiss was sweet and soft. Neither one of them really knew how to do it so they just pressed their lips against one another. It didn’t take long though for the kiss to start heating up. Jordan put his hands on Justin’s hip and drew him closer, leaving no space between them. He opened his mouth and welcomed Justin’s tongue in. Jordan grabbed the back of Justin’s neck and started moving his head back and forth. The two moved in harmony, as if they were both meant to do it in their life. Justin retreated from the kiss to catch his breath, and Jordan could see in the other’s eyes pure lust. He couldn’t help but to bite his bottom lip at the sight, himself resting his head against the wall. The thrill of the kiss made Jordan feel overly confident, and he pressed the tip of his fingers under the white fabric of Justin’s shirt, then slid his hand on his navel area. He was glad to see the other lad close his eyes at the sensation, biting his lip with a low moan. Jordan then moved both his hands around the blond’s waist and gripped on his ass, which caused him to lean forward, his hands put on the wall on either sides of Jordan’s head. Their cheeks were touching and Jordan could feel the other teen’s breathing on his ear.  
  
“Don’t...We’re outside….We canAH!” Justin was interrupted by Jordan’s hand now resting on his erect cock. The layers of his clothing were rubbing on it as he breathed, and it was the best sensation he had ever felt.  
  
“Yeah you’re right maybe we shouldn’t.” Jordan removed his hand with a mischievous grin that drove Justin even more crazy. Jordan wanted to remember what it felt like to be desired, and he wanted to be so by Justin, who leaned in again for yet another heated kiss that sent butterflies inside jordan’s belly.  
  
That is when the front doors opened again, revealing the twins with their respective dates. When Jordan recognised their voices, he pushed Justin away more violently than he had intended to, and he ended up falling butt first right in the other four field of view.  
  
When he realised that his dream of leaving was going to be compromised as soon as the twins would turn their heads in his direction, which they would be compelled to, and immediately understand what was going on in this dark corner, he did the first thing his fucked up brain thought of to save himself.  
  
“What the fuck?! Who the fuck told you could kiss me? You’re just gross.” The words burnt Jordan’s throat as they came out. He felt like vomiting, and was utterly disgusted by himself.  
  
The worst was Justin’s face as he was still sprawled across the floor, completely enlightened by the main hall lights.  
  
“Did the fag really try to turn our cuz?” Gabe, one of the twin, blurted out laughing.  
  
“It seems like it” It was the other one’s turn, Austin, to laugh.  
  
“What...No that’s not…”Justin tried to talk, still looking right into Jordan’s eyes. The lustful eyes were now displaying more hurt and incomprehension than Jordan ever thought was possible.  
  
“Jordan...Tell them… Please...” He was pleading now, and Jordan’s chest seemed as if it would crush his heart.  
  
“Tell us what Jordan? You’re a fag too?” they were both laughing, but Jordan could feel the complete disgust in their tones.  
  
“What? No! There’s no way I like guys, it’s disgusting!” In this very particular moment, Jordan also realised that he was not prepared to fully live out his bissexuality. He thought of all the bad shit that would inevitably happen if he did, without even thinking about all the happiness he’d miss out on.  
  
That’s what youth does to people. No matter how mature you are, the best choices are not always the easiest to make, and sometimes you just don’t have the heart to go through with them. And that was Jordan’s case. He was already so fed up with life, he didn’t think he could handle anymore bad things.  
  
Justin’s face went immediately red, and as he got up, pushing away the twins who were coming to tease him, his eyes locked with Jordan’s with complete fury and disgust.  
  
“Fuck you! Fuck you and your fucking joke of a family. Don’t ever try to contact me again because you are dead to me!” And with that he stormed of, disappearing into the dark.  
  
Jordan wanted to cry. His head was spinning and his throat burning. He felt like throwing up any moment now.  
  
“Can’t fucking believe those fucking queers ! They think that we’re all like them, but hopefully there are still some people who are right in their minds.”  
  
“Yeah, Gabe’s right. You did well pushing him off Jordan. Can’t have him pass on to you any of those gay diseases now.” The twins high-fived each other, laughing, and all Jordan could think of was the delightful noise their heads would make when colliding against one another.  
  
“Anyway, we gotta go. Can’t make the ladies wait too long.” Aiden then slapped the girl next to him on the ass, making her jump a little while furiously blushing.  
  
“Just know that dad will hear about this. I’m sure he’ll be proud.” And with that they were off, leaving Jordan huddled against the wall, his head in his hands, crying for the first time in years.  
  
For the whole next week, he tried to contact Justin. He tried calling him, leaving tons of messages, apologizing for being the biggest asshole in the world, telling him that he would make things better, but nothing ever went through.  
  
When he finally built up the courage to go to his house, he only met with a “SOLD” sign planted on the yard, and an empty driveway.  
  
After a month, he stopped trying to contact him. He never expected Justin to forgive him after what he’d pulled out, but he felt slightly better when trying to reach out to him. He just hoped he was fine back in New-Orleans, and most of all hoped he was happy.   
  
The next three years had gone by in a blur. His uncle was easier on him since the incident, and so were the twins. Jordan made some friends with whom he never really connected with, but whom helped him spend the time faster.  
  
He worked extra hard and, when he finally had his GED in hand, he left without looking back. He had put all of his clothes in a sports bag and took the first bus to Brooklyn. He had worked part-times jobs to have enough to sustain for at least a month, and he even got the scholarship he needed to get into law-school. He’d get another job once in Brooklyn. Everything was looking up for him, and he didn’t remember feeling this happy in years.  
  
His bus had to make a two-hour stop in New-Jersey to gaz up, so he decided to go and visit the city a bit. He really liked the architecture, and decided to go inside a music shop he had seen at some point, thinking time would go by faster if he indulged himself in something he liked.  
  
That’s where he had met Maia. She had went up to him, judging his poor taste in music, and Jordan had argued that he knew his music better than anyone. The two had playfully argued for a while, before Jordan realised that his bus was by now long gone. When he told Maia about his situation, she explained that it was the last bus of the day, but that she knew a place he could crash at for the night. She was supposed to simply show him the place, but they ended up talking all night long about various subject. This girl intrigued Jordan. She seemed to have gone through some really nasty stuff, yet she was glowing. He wanted to learn from her, to learn how she had overlooked all of her issues and faced life the way she did.   
  
The following day she showed him the “best spots in town” and Jordan forgot yet again about his bus and his life plans. That’s what awed him the most. He had always done everything in order to live in his parents’ town, yet this girl made him enjoy the present so much that he had temporarily forgotten about the future.  
  
After a week, the two of them became an evidence, and so they started going out. Jordan later on told Maia about his plans and how they’d have to figure out a way to keep on with the long distance relationship. Her reaction to the news was totally unexpected ; she told Jordan that she couldn’t stay with her family anymore and so she packed to go with him.   
  
The lad couldn’t believe it. Not only did he have someone he loved and who loved him back with him, but he would also get that someone with him in Brooklyn. He didn’t know what life had planned for him, but he sure as hell knew he would never let go of Maia.  
  
They quickly found a place to live, the both of them having found a job within the first week. Their relationship was all that Jordan had ever thought being in a relationship was about. He thanked his little him for not having complained and finally granting him this insight on happiness that he craved so much.   
  
But then as usual, everything just exploded.   
  
For their two months anniversary, they both went into a bar to celebrate with some of their newly made friends. A man in his thirty or so, drinking at the bar with what Jordan thought were his friends, thought he was permitted to grab on Maia’s ass as she walked by.  
  
Of course Jordan jumped from his stool at the sight, boiling up instantly, and, before Maia could even raise her hand at him to slap the living shit out of him, punched the guy’s jaw with such force that he heard his teeth clash.  
  
Then the poor lad found himself drowning in a tide of arms, and later on found himself thrown out of the bar by the horde that stood next to the pervert.  
  
The latter went for Jordan, but he was prepared and spun him around, putting him in a strangling motion.  
  
“Apologise to her immediately.” Jordan’s eyes were blood-injected. Maia was his and no one had the right to touch her, except for himself.  
  
As he felt the man’s mouth open, Jordan expected to hear the apology, so he relaxed a bit, enough for the choked man to tilt his head forward and “WHAT THE FUCK?!”  
  
Jordan screamed as he stepped back, shoving the guy forward.  
  
“You just bit me you sick bastard ! What the fuck is wrong with you?”  
  
As the men in front of Jordan gathered as if they were a pack, Jordan’s felt a loving hand grab nicely yet firmly onto his forearm.  
  
“Jordan let’s go.”  
  
“What? But he…”  
  
“NOW”.   
  
And so they went home, their night ruined. And so the torture began.  
  
For the next week, Jordan’s arm had hurt him so much he often passed out from the pain. The bite mark was healing rather quickly, but he still went to the doctor’s, who only prescribed him some anti-infectives, which didn’t work AT ALL by the way.  
  
His mood was dreadful, but he didn’t even want to try and make it a bit better. it’s like he needed to get all of these bad vibes out of his system.  
  
And Maia was the one he latched on. She had to watch her every word, make sure never to  upset him. She loved him so much that at first she really tried to put up with him.   
  
But then he started feeling extremely jealous. He didn’t want her to talk to any boys and even put up a curfew.   
  
That was it. She held on for three weeks but she could no longer. So she left him.  
  
Jordan was crushed, destroyed in his most inner self. He knew it was all his fault, but he didn't understand why Maia would just leave him like that. She was his after all. She was the only secured thing he had ever owned for a long time. And he would  never let her go.  
  
After hearing from his friends that she’d be at some boy’s party, he went in hope to change her mind and make her realise how wrong she was.  
  
That night the pain was excruciating, the worst ever, and he remembered wanting to tear his arm out to finally make it stop. He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even walk straight.  
  
As they arrived at the house, his friends left him to get his senses back. He didn’t remember much about that party, except that when he turned the corner of the house, he saw Maia kissing another guy. It was the trigger.   
  
After that he blacked out completely, waking up in a bush, naked, in a park somewhere near his place.  
  
Only the night after did he remember. Everything. How he went to hide in some dark alley. How he came out of it, changed, different.   
  
He was a werewolf. A fucking werewolf. He was transforming  and that’s why he was acting this horridly. That’s why he treated Maia as his property. The pain made all of his bad sides come out expanded. His desires of finally having someone next to him who loved him came out as a possessiveness of rare violence.   
  
And he had attacked her. The woman of his life. The memory made him jump, leaving his place to find Maia, but she had disappeared.  Her friends later told him that she had been assaulted by a wild animal on her way home, and that when she left the hospital she disappeared.  
  
Jordan thought that he had harmed enough people and so he was prepared, both mentally and physically, to put an end to it all.  
  
That was when the Praepor Lupus came knocking at his door. They offered him all that he had ever wanted. A place in society where he could help others who, like him, had doubts about themselves.  
  
He was sent away for a few months to help some downworlders in several cities before being called back to Brooklyn, to help a diurne vampire named Simon Lewis.When Jordan finally got to lay down on the couch, the clock above the TV displayed 06 : 27. Magnus and Alec had left right after the warlock had made sure for the third time that Raphael wasn’t going to die overnight from something that he’d missed. The way Magnus cared for Raphael was really endearing, and there was definitely history between the two downworlders. The werewolf couldn’t help but feel kind of jealous though, for he had always lost those who cared for him.  
  
When he was six, his parents died in a car accident. He remembered how, waiting for them to come pick him up at school, his teacher had come up to him, her eyes still red and swollen from chasing her tears away, knelt down before him and gently, as if the boy were made of glass, grabbed on both his tiny hands.   
  
“Your parents are not coming, Jordan. There has been a dreadful accident and they…..” She couldn’t get the words out anymore. The lump in her throat had become so important that she just choked on the words. She felt so bad for the poor kid in front of her.  
  
Jordan didn’t understand why his teacher was sadder than he was. He didn’t understand anything at all actually. He didn’t understand that his parents would never come home to him ever again. He didn’t understand that he would never get to see the world from his father’s shoulders anymore. He didn’t understand that he would never hear his mother’s laugh again. He didn’t understand that they would never bed him again, telling him to dream as big as his heart was. He wasn’t stupid, far from it. His mind just refused to process it. It refused to process that in the span of an hour, he had lost those who mattered the most to him, and for whom he mattered the most.  
  
He remembered being taken away in a black car, by people who, they said, only meant good. He knew a lot of people had talked to him that day ; he just couldn’t hear them.  
  
It simply was as they put him in bed, leaving him alone in the dark, that it all engulfed him. His brain showed him memories. Memories of his father throwing him a baseball in the park, while his mother was sitting down in the grass, reading a book. Memories of their weekly promenade by the East River, before taking the car to drive around Brooklyn. His parents loved the borough. They were both born there, met there, and kept on telling Jordan that the city would appear even more beautiful to him as he’d grow up.  
  
Now, Jordan was left with nothing. He didn’t know it yet, but it was just the beginning of what would later on lead him to believe he had no claim on happiness.  
  
The day after, he was drained of all the tears his body could create. He had cried all night long, and only fell asleep when his eyes started to burn from the lack of liquid. His body was heavy ; he felt as if his six-year-old self was trapped inside a moving prison. The only thing that kept him going was the picture of the three of them at the park, that an old lady had given him when he’d woken up. Apparently, they had gone inside their apartment to retrieve Jordan’s stuff, and then seal it. The picture reminded Jordan of how happy one can be, and he knew that he owed it to his parents to at least try. He’d have to keep on remembering it for the rest of his life.  
  
His parents had no close relatives ; it was always the three of them. Therefore, he was put under his distant aunt’s custody, who lived in Baltimore, and who only took him in because the law made her. The hardest was the distance, for he had promised himself that he’d go back to Brooklyn, to experience the city older, as his mother has told him. His aunt’s name was Gildry Stein. She had twin boys, the same age as he was, and always made a point in making Jordan feel inferior. He never went out with them because they wouldn’t have him ; he never was invited, as a child, to his cousins’ birthday parties because their mother told them that he would only ruin the party with his bad mood, bad mood that she got him to feel. He never got to celebrate his birthdays either, or if he did it would be alone, in his bedroom, as the others pretended not to remember what day it was. Every time things got too hard for him, he looked at the picture, holding back his tears, being strong for his parents.   
  
The way he was treated and how he learnt to live with it only got him to mature sooner. He knew he didn’t have the typical childhood, but he thought that if he went through it without complaining, maybe he’d finally get the happiness he’d been denied all along.  
  
He entered primary school right away. His aunt didn’t bother to find out if he was mentally good enough to blend in with the other kids. He could very well. He even wanted to, but, mainly because of the twins, whom had taken over their mother’s despise, all the kids in the playground were reluctant to go near him.  
  
Kids could be really mean, even by not doing anything, and Jordan experienced plenty of that.   
  
Despite it all, he was a good student, and he spent most of his time daydreaming about what his life would be outside of this poisonous family, back in Brooklyn.  
  
In his first year of secondary school, he finally made a friend, Justin Princkley. He was a tall, blond guy, who was from New-Orleans and had come live with his mother in Baltimore after his parents divorced. At first, Jordan had noticed him because he did stand out. He was the tallest of their class, even taller than the twins, and Jordan couldn’t help but to find him rather attractive, with his freckles and his blue eyes. He didn’t exactly know why or how, but soon enough, the blond had come up to Jordan and started talking rather fast.  
  
“Heyya. I’m Justin Princkley.” The lad had extended a hand, which Jordan couldn’t help to notice, was a bit shaky. Then he understood that Justin was just as anxious to make a new friend as he was, and so he went to happily shake his hand in return, grinning wide.  
  
“Jordan Kyle”   
  
“Well, Jordan Kyle, what do you say we stick together for what are to be the most painful years of our life?”  
  
Jordan’s grin faltered a bit, but not enough for Justin to realise, and then went right back on, even happier.  
  
“I say let’s suffer together” And with a laugh, their friendship had begun.  
  
The two could talk about everything, literally. Justin initiated Jordan in all the things he’d passed on while living in hell. They watched old movies on Justin’s tv and read all kinds of books while lying on his bed. They even listened to some old vinyls that they found in Justin’s attic while talking about life in general.  
  
Their friendship lasted until the year before high school, when they both realised that maybe their mutual feelings were deeper than what they were at the beginning. Jordan pushed them back though. No matter how badly he was treated, he still had a roof over his head, and he needed it until he graduated, so that he could become a lawyer. He wanted to help make things right for some people. He planned on studying in Brooklyn, while working to pay his college fees. He didn’t want to ever have to rely on them in his life after he was eighteen. No matter how much he wanted out of there, he knew that without his GED he wouldn’t get far.  
  
His uncle was deeply homophobic though, and if he ever learned what was going on in his nephew’s head, he’d kick him out without even a second thought. Jordan wasn’t a lucky man, it had already been proven over and over again, so he knew that these feelings would only cause him troubles. And of course, he was right.  
  
On the last day of middle school, a party was thrown in the gymnasium. It was much like homecoming, but way less fancy and with way more shitty music. He hadn’t brought a date, and neither had Justin, so there they were, the two of them, talking and dancing and discreetly sipping on Justin’s dad’s flask that he had “borrowed” and filled with whiskey.  
  
“Hey Jordan, I gotta tell you something.” Justin was clearly too drunk for this party, and he was panting as if he’d been dancing too much.  
  
“Yeah, sure mate. What is it?” Jordan wasn’t completely sober either, but he was way better than Justin at the moment.  
  
“My mom is missing home so she wants us to go back and we’re leaving sometime during the week.” Justin had blurted the whole sentence out as if the words were burning his throat and mouth, and he looked expectantly into Jordan’s green/hazel eyes. The lad felt like his friend’s words were a train that had just hit him in the face. He couldn’t help but gasp, and felt as if his lungs had decided not to function any longer.  
  
The perspective of his best friend leaving him had an effect on him he didn’t expect. It forced his inner feelings to come out altogether, and he didn’t like it.  
  
Justin was the first person to ever allow him to remember how love could feel like. Jordan never claimed anything as his own. Mainly because he wasn’t allowed to, but also out of fear that his terrible luck would only drive his happiness away. When he realised his feelings towards Justin were not only friendship-like, he knew that as long as they remained one-sided he could spare himself the heartache that was bound to follow.   
  
Soon enough though, some glances were cast across the classroom, or in situations where they couldn’t immediately talk about it to the other. This way, they could always pretend nothing had happened and maintain their friendship in case the feelings weren’t reciprocated, which they both knew was not true. Jordan didn’t know why Justin nurtured this situation, but he knew exactly why he did it. He wanted nothing more than to get out of the shithole he’d been forced to live in for the past 8 years, and he would never let anything get in the way, even if it meant not standing up to his homophobic joke-of-an-uncle. The way Justin glanced at him made him feel special in a way he didn’t know he craved, and he didn’t have at heart to just stop it. He thought that if he insured the other one’s feelings whilst not officially spell his own out, they could remain “friends” until he wouldn’t have to depend on his dreadful family anymore, and so they could fully live out their fling to raise it into an unbreakable bond with time, even though they wouldn’t live in the same borough.   
  
Jordan’s plan would have been perfect, if it weren’t for fate decided on making him miserable.  
  
Justin’s confession destroyed all chances they would ever have of being an actual thing. Jordan felt overwhelmed with the thought of never getting to be who he wanted to be with Justin. He felt like crying but controlled himself, and his body moved like itself towards the door. Jordan needed air. The loud music and the moist air from all those teenagers dancing were making his head spin, and the fact that he was still inebriated was not helping at all.   
  
He almost ran in the hallway before pushing wide open the front doors. It was already eleven, and those who hadn’t left the party were still inside, enjoying the evening. It was dark out, and there wasn’t a soul, except for the two panting boys leaving the building.  
  
Jordan feared his legs might give up, so he laid himself against the wall, tilting his head back, his eyes screwed shut.  
  
“No no no no no.” Jordan’s hand flew to both sides of his head, pressing on it as if it would obliterate all those noisy thoughts. “Why can’t I just be happy? What did I ever do to deserve that? I just want to be loved by someone, why is that so bad?”   
  
Jordan was almost screaming now, and he didn’t even know who he was addressing to. He was on the verge of crying. He had been so patient during all those years. And now that he finally had everything planned to leave this place while still being with the one he wanted to give his love to, it just had to be taken away from him again.  
  
He then felt two warm hands cup his own on his face, which led him to open his eyes, only to meet two beautiful blue eyes. The two were now only inches apart, and Jordan could feel Justin’s hot breath mingling with his own.  
  
“It’s not, Jordan. It’s not bad. You of all people deserve to be happy.” His voice had a soothing aspect to it that instantly calmed Jordan’s thoughts. His breath was warm and smelled of whiskey, which was not bad considering that Jordan’s must have been the absolute same.   
  
“We’ll still call each other. And yes maybe it won’t work out because of the distance, but we never know right? I know that when I was forced to move in here, the least I expected was to fall for my best friend, and a guy at that. But you proved me wrong about my expectations and I really want to make things work with you.”   
  
Jordan fell silent. He didn’t know what to say. So instead he just leant in, never breaking eye-contact until their noses brushed. Then both their lips met and it all exploded. At first the kiss was sweet and soft. Neither one of them really knew how to do it so they just pressed their lips against one another. It didn’t take long though for the kiss to start heating up. Jordan put his hands on Justin’s hip and drew him closer, leaving no space between them. He opened his mouth and welcomed Justin’s tongue in. Jordan grabbed the back of Justin’s neck and started moving his head back and forth. The two moved in harmony, as if they were both meant to do it in their life. Justin retreated from the kiss to catch his breath, and Jordan could see in the other’s eyes pure lust. He couldn’t help but to bite his bottom lip at the sight, himself resting his head against the wall. The thrill of the kiss made Jordan feel overly confident, and he pressed the tip of his fingers under the white fabric of Justin’s shirt, then slid his hand on his navel area. He was glad to see the other lad close his eyes at the sensation, biting his lip with a low moan. Jordan then moved both his hands around the blond’s waist and gripped on his ass, which caused him to lean forward, his hands put on the wall on either sides of Jordan’s head. Their cheeks were touching and Jordan could feel the other teen’s breathing on his ear.  
  
“Don’t...We’re outside….We canAH!” Justin was interrupted by Jordan’s hand now resting on his erect cock. The layers of his clothing were rubbing on it as he breathed, and it was the best sensation he had ever felt.  
  
“Yeah you’re right maybe we shouldn’t.” Jordan removed his hand with a mischievous grin that drove Justin even more crazy. Jordan wanted to remember what it felt like to be desired, and he wanted to be so by Justin, who leaned in again for yet another heated kiss that sent butterflies inside jordan’s belly.  
  
That is when the front doors opened again, revealing the twins with their respective dates. When Jordan recognised their voices, he pushed Justin away more violently than he had intended to, and he ended up falling butt first right in the other four field of view.  
  
When he realised that his dream of leaving was going to be compromised as soon as the twins would turn their heads in his direction, which they would be compelled to, and immediately understand what was going on in this dark corner, he did the first thing his fucked up brain thought of to save himself.  
  
“What the fuck?! Who the fuck told you could kiss me? You’re just gross.” The words burnt Jordan’s throat as they came out. He felt like vomiting, and was utterly disgusted by himself.  
  
The worst was Justin’s face as he was still sprawled across the floor, completely enlightened by the main hall lights.  
  
“Did the fag really try to turn our cuz?” Gabe, one of the twin, blurted out laughing.  
  
“It seems like it” It was the other one’s turn, Austin, to laugh.  
  
“What...No that’s not…”Justin tried to talk, still looking right into Jordan’s eyes. The lustful eyes were now displaying more hurt and incomprehension than Jordan ever thought was possible.  
  
“Jordan...Tell them… Please...” He was pleading now, and Jordan’s chest seemed as if it would crush his heart.  
  
“Tell us what Jordan? You’re a fag too?” they were both laughing, but Jordan could feel the complete disgust in their tones.  
  
“What? No! There’s no way I like guys, it’s disgusting!” In this very particular moment, Jordan also realised that he was not prepared to fully live out his bissexuality. He thought of all the bad shit that would inevitably happen if he did, without even thinking about all the happiness he’d miss out on.  
  
That’s what youth does to people. No matter how mature you are, the best choices are not always the easiest to make, and sometimes you just don’t have the heart to go through with them. And that was Jordan’s case. He was already so fed up with life, he didn’t think he could handle anymore bad things.  
  
Justin’s face went immediately red, and as he got up, pushing away the twins who were coming to tease him, his eyes locked with Jordan’s with complete fury and disgust.  
  
“Fuck you! Fuck you and your fucking joke of a family. Don’t ever try to contact me again because you are dead to me!” And with that he stormed of, disappearing into the dark.  
  
Jordan wanted to cry. His head was spinning and his throat burning. He felt like throwing up any moment now.  
  
“Can’t fucking believe those fucking queers ! They think that we’re all like them, but hopefully there are still some people who are right in their minds.”  
  
“Yeah, Gabe’s right. You did well pushing him off Jordan. Can’t have him pass on to you any of those gay diseases now.” The twins high-fived each other, laughing, and all Jordan could think of was the delightful noise their heads would make when colliding against one another.  
  
“Anyway, we gotta go. Can’t make the ladies wait too long.” Aiden then slapped the girl next to him on the ass, making her jump a little while furiously blushing.  
  
“Just know that dad will hear about this. I’m sure he’ll be proud.” And with that they were off, leaving Jordan huddled against the wall, his head in his hands, crying for the first time in years.  
  
For the whole next week, he tried to contact Justin. He tried calling him, leaving tons of messages, apologizing for being the biggest asshole in the world, telling him that he would make things better, but nothing ever went through.  
  
When he finally built up the courage to go to his house, he only met with a “SOLD” sign planted on the yard, and an empty driveway.  
  
After a month, he stopped trying to contact him. He never expected Justin to forgive him after what he’d pulled out, but he felt slightly better when trying to reach out to him. He just hoped he was fine back in New-Orleans, and most of all hoped he was happy.   
  
The next three years had gone by in a blur. His uncle was easier on him since the incident, and so were the twins. Jordan made some friends with whom he never really connected with, but whom helped him spend the time faster.  
  
He worked extra hard and, when he finally had his GED in hand, he left without looking back. He had put all of his clothes in a sports bag and took the first bus to Brooklyn. He had worked part-times jobs to have enough to sustain for at least a month, and he even got the scholarship he needed to get into law-school. He’d get another job once in Brooklyn. Everything was looking up for him, and he didn’t remember feeling this happy in years.  
  
His bus had to make a two-hour stop in New-Jersey to gaz up, so he decided to go and visit the city a bit. He really liked the architecture, and decided to go inside a music shop he had seen at some point, thinking time would go by faster if he indulged himself in something he liked.  
  
That’s where he had met Maia. She had went up to him, judging his poor taste in music, and Jordan had argued that he knew his music better than anyone. The two had playfully argued for a while, before Jordan realised that his bus was by now long gone. When he told Maia about his situation, she explained that it was the last bus of the day, but that she knew a place he could crash at for the night. She was supposed to simply show him the place, but they ended up talking all night long about various subject. This girl intrigued Jordan. She seemed to have gone through some really nasty stuff, yet she was glowing. He wanted to learn from her, to learn how she had overlooked all of her issues and faced life the way she did.   
  
The following day she showed him the “best spots in town” and Jordan forgot yet again about his bus and his life plans. That’s what awed him the most. He had always done everything in order to live in his parents’ town, yet this girl made him enjoy the present so much that he had temporarily forgotten about the future.  
  
After a week, the two of them became an evidence, and so they started going out. Jordan later on told Maia about his plans and how they’d have to figure out a way to keep on with the long distance relationship. Her reaction to the news was totally unexpected ; she told Jordan that she couldn’t stay with her family anymore and so she packed to go with him.   
  
The lad couldn’t believe it. Not only did he have someone he loved and who loved him back with him, but he would also get that someone with him in Brooklyn. He didn’t know what life had planned for him, but he sure as hell knew he would never let go of Maia.  
  
They quickly found a place to live, the both of them having found a job within the first week. Their relationship was all that Jordan had ever thought being in a relationship was about. He thanked his little him for not having complained and finally granting him this insight on happiness that he craved so much.   
  
But then as usual, everything just exploded.   
  
For their two months anniversary, they both went into a bar to celebrate with some of their newly made friends. A man in his thirty or so, drinking at the bar with what Jordan thought were his friends, thought he was permitted to grab on Maia’s ass as she walked by.  
  
Of course Jordan jumped from his stool at the sight, boiling up instantly, and, before Maia could even raise her hand at him to slap the living shit out of him, punched the guy’s jaw with such force that he heard his teeth clash.  
  
Then the poor lad found himself drowning in a tide of arms, and later on found himself thrown out of the bar by the horde that stood next to the pervert.  
  
The latter went for Jordan, but he was prepared and spun him around, putting him in a strangling motion.  
  
“Apologise to her immediately.” Jordan’s eyes were blood-injected. Maia was his and no one had the right to touch her, except for himself.  
  
As he felt the man’s mouth open, Jordan expected to hear the apology, so he relaxed a bit, enough for the choked man to tilt his head forward and “WHAT THE FUCK?!”  
  
Jordan screamed as he stepped back, shoving the guy forward.  
  
“You just bit me you sick bastard ! What the fuck is wrong with you?”  
  
As the men in front of Jordan gathered as if they were a pack, Jordan’s felt a loving hand grab nicely yet firmly onto his forearm.  
  
“Jordan let’s go.”  
  
“What? But he…”  
  
“NOW”.   
  
And so they went home, their night ruined. And so the torture began.  
  
For the next week, Jordan’s arm had hurt him so much he often passed out from the pain. The bite mark was healing rather quickly, but he still went to the doctor’s, who only prescribed him some anti-infectives, which didn’t work AT ALL by the way.  
  
His mood was dreadful, but he didn’t even want to try and make it a bit better. it’s like he needed to get all of these bad vibes out of his system.  
  
And Maia was the one he latched on. She had to watch her every word, make sure never to  upset him. She loved him so much that at first she really tried to put up with him.   
  
But then he started feeling extremely jealous. He didn’t want her to talk to any boys and even put up a curfew.   
  
That was it. She held on for three weeks but she could no longer. So she left him.  
  
Jordan was crushed, destroyed in his most inner self. He knew it was all his fault, but he didn't understand why Maia would just leave him like that. She was his after all. She was the only secured thing he had ever owned for a long time. And he would  never let her go.  
  
After hearing from his friends that she’d be at some boy’s party, he went in hope to change her mind and make her realise how wrong she was.  
  
That night the pain was excruciating, the worst ever, and he remembered wanting to tear his arm out to finally make it stop. He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even walk straight.  
  
As they arrived at the house, his friends left him to get his senses back. He didn’t remember much about that party, except that when he turned the corner of the house, he saw Maia kissing another guy. It was the trigger.   
  
After that he blacked out completely, waking up in a bush, naked, in a park somewhere near his place.  
  
Only the night after did he remember. Everything. How he went to hide in some dark alley. How he came out of it, changed, different.   
  
He was a werewolf. A fucking werewolf. He was transforming  and that’s why he was acting this horridly. That’s why he treated Maia as his property. The pain made all of his bad sides come out expanded. His desires of finally having someone next to him who loved him came out as a possessiveness of rare violence.   
  
And he had attacked her. The woman of his life. The memory made him jump, leaving his place to find Maia, but she had disappeared.  Her friends later told him that she had been assaulted by a wild animal on her way home, and that when she left the hospital she disappeared.  
  
Jordan thought that he had harmed enough people and so he was prepared, both mentally and physically, to put an end to it all.  
  
That was when the Praepor Lupus came knocking at his door. They offered him all that he had ever wanted. A place in society where he could help others who, like him, had doubts about themselves.  
  
He was sent away for a few months to help some downworlders in several cities before being called back to Brooklyn, to help a diurne vampire named Simon Lewis.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the boring piece at the beginning I just don't seem to know when to stop talking.. ;( But thanks anyway for reading it through it means a lot !:)


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